Teen Suicide: Warning Signs and How Parents Can Help

Few things frighten a parent more than the thought that their child might want to end their life. It is a hard subject to think about, and many parents worry that raising it will make things worse. It will not. Knowing the warning signs, and knowing what to say, is one of the most protective things you can do for your teenager.

Why this matters

According to the World Health Organization, suicide is the third leading cause of death among people aged 15 to 29 worldwide (WHO suicide fact sheet). In Malaysia, the National Health and Morbidity Survey (NHMS) 2022 Adolescent Health Survey by the Ministry of Health found that 13.1% of adolescents aged 13 to 17 reported having suicidal thoughts (reported by CodeBlue). Behind every number is a young person who was struggling, often without the adults around them knowing.

The encouraging message is that suicide is preventable. Young people who feel listened to and connected to a caring adult are better able to get through a crisis.

What can put a teenager at risk

There is rarely a single cause. Suicidal thoughts usually grow out of a mix of pressures and pain, such as:

• Depression, anxiety or other mental health difficulties
• Bullying, including online bullying
• Academic and exam pressure, or fear of disappointing the family
• Family conflict, divorce, abuse or neglect
• Loss of someone close, or a relationship breakup
• Feeling isolated, rejected or different, for example because of identity or disability
• Previous self-harm or a previous suicide attempt
• Alcohol or drug use
• Hearing about a suicide in their school, community or the media

Suicidal crises do not always build slowly. Some young people act on impulse after a sudden setback, which is why it matters to take every sign seriously and to keep talking.

Warning signs to look out for

Every teenager has ups and downs. What matters is a change from how your child usually is, especially if several signs appear together or last for more than a couple of weeks.

What they say

• Talking or joking about dying, disappearing or not being around
• Saying they feel hopeless, worthless, trapped or like a burden
• Saying things like “nothing matters” or “it would be better if I wasn’t here”
• Writing, drawing or posting online about death

What they do

• Withdrawing from friends, family and activities they used to enjoy
• Big changes in sleep, appetite or school performance
• Self-harm, or wearing long sleeves to hide injuries
• Taking more risks, or using alcohol or drugs
• Giving away belongings or saying goodbye in unusual ways
• Searching for ways to die online

How they seem

• Persistently sad, irritable, anxious or angry
• Numb or flat, or overwhelmed by shame or guilt
• Suddenly calm or cheerful after a long period of distress, which can sometimes mean they have made a decision

How to ask your teen directly

Asking about suicide does not put the idea in a young person’s head. For many teenagers it is a relief that someone has noticed. Choose a quiet moment, for example during a drive or a walk when you are side by side, and be direct:

• “I’ve noticed you seem really down lately, and I’m worried about you. How are you really doing?”
• “Sometimes when people feel this bad, they think about not wanting to be alive. Have you been having thoughts like that?”
• “Are you thinking about suicide?”

If the answer is yes, stay calm. Thank them for telling you. Your calm response tells them it is safe to keep talking.

What to say, and what not to say

Helpful

• “Thank you for telling me. I’m so glad you did.”
• “I’m here, and we’ll get through this together.”
• “You don’t have to feel like this forever. Let’s find someone who can help.”
• Listening more than talking, and letting silences happen

Not helpful

• “You have so much to live for” or “Other people have it worse”, which can make them feel unheard or guilty
• “Don’t be silly” or “You’re just being dramatic”
• Lecturing, arguing, or getting angry about what they have shared
• Promising to keep it secret. Explain that you love them too much to keep their safety to yourself.

What to do next

• If they are in immediate danger, do not leave them alone. Call 999 or take them to the nearest emergency department.
• Make the home safer. Lock away or remove medicines, alcohol and anything else that could be used to cause harm, at least until the crisis has passed.
• Get professional help soon. Contact your family doctor, a psychologist or a counsellor. Offer to make the call or go with them.
• Talk to the school. With your teen’s knowledge where possible, let the school counsellor know so they can offer support and watch for bullying or academic pressure.
• Stay close. Keep checking in, keep routines gentle, and spend time together without pressure to talk.
• Look after yourself too. Supporting a child in crisis is exhausting. Crisis lines and counsellors can support parents as well.

How professional help works

A psychologist or counsellor can help your teenager make sense of what they are feeling, learn safer ways of coping, and build a safety plan for difficult moments. Family sessions can help parents and teens communicate more openly. A doctor or psychiatrist can assess whether medical treatment would also help. Only a qualified professional can assess risk and diagnose a mental health condition.

At BeLive in Psychology, our registered psychologists and counsellors work with children, teenagers and families in English, Bahasa Malaysia and Chinese. Learn more about our child and adolescent psychology services, or read our guide to student mental health and academic pressure in Malaysia.

Related reading

• Self-harm and suicide: the differences and how to help
• Child abuse: you don’t need to hit to hurt
• Family counselling in Malaysia

This article is for general education only and is not a substitute for professional assessment, diagnosis or treatment.

Written & reviewed by Jackie Yong

CEO & Consultant Senior Counselling Psychologist, BeLive in Psychology · View profile