It all started in February 2021 when I was first diagnosed with minor cardiac arrest and I was just 27. I felt cold without fan or air conditioner, my limbs went numbed, my chest was painful and I was sweating all nights for a week before I drove myself into the Accident & Emergency department and was diagnosed officially.
The cardiologist suggested me to get a full body check-up as I was too young to get a cardiac issue. She suspected that there was an inflammation somewhere that might had caused the heart to overwork. We did the test and it was the longest 10 minutes ever waiting outside the doctor’s office to know the results. We found active cancer cells at colorectal. I opted for prescribed drugs instead of other options.
Not too long after, I had difficulty breathing and was sent into Accident and Emergency again. An emergency surgery was conducted that I had a minor stroke. I got help in-time that it didn’t cause major damage to the brain. After that, I stopped my follow-ups for some time as I was still processing and went into depression.
I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder, eating disorder, psychosis and general anxiety disorder. These conditions added the number of prescribed drugs I had to take daily and it was not easy to take the first step out to walk into a psychiatry clinic. I signed up for a doctorate program about two weeks later and got accepted within three days.
I tried to strive through the first semester but I did not manage to complete my assignment for both subjects and I had to drop out for that semester due to extreme pain at the abdominal area. I went back for my follow-up and I was diagnosed with achalasia cardia, a rare condition, and had another surgery done as the cancer cells became aggressive. After that surgery, I was warded in a two-bedded room and the other patient smoke in the room triggering seizures for the very first time.
The impact was too huge that my body was too weak. Other illnesses decided to come on the boat. I had syncopal collapses without patterns, chronic cardiac arrhythmia and epilepsies later on. Along the way, I had gone through 3 chemotherapy cycles, 1 electro-chemotherapy cycle, radiation therapy, immunotherapy shots and targeted therapy to maintain the cancer at stage 2C and not 3.
To make things worse, my oesophagus nerve cells died due to too many intubations and I developed allergy reactions towards aneasthesia. I had multiple cardiac arrests, the longest be 17 minutes. Gastroinestinal dysmortility being another issue, I could only drink shakes as my food.
Throughout the four years of battle, we have fought battles with 2 tumours at the brain, 3 at kidney, 2 at liver, cancer cells at colorectal and emotional up and down.
What’s my diet now? Liquid. How many pills I take a day? 180, 1 injection and inhaler. Did I feel like giving up? Multiple times. Did I do it? Yes, I did. I failed.
I walked the four years in the dark. I wrote this piece of article to share with you that people with aggressive illness exist. We make people feel frustrated as we do not progress. We go downwards yet we mask ourselves to make people feel better. Is it painful? Every moment. I am on 9 types of painkillers.
If you are walking the same journey, high 5 and hugs that we have come this far. Life is a joke sometimes. My nickname is self-explanatory.
In Realm of Consciousness, Grace & Mercy,
Joker Young • 杨吉
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